6 responses to “It’s there in the crunch of the autumn leaves: living with my friend’s suicide”

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    Dear Rai
    This time of year is also the anniversary of the death of a friend of mine to suicide. She will always be there as part of my journey. Thinking of you; this was lovely as well as sad to read.

    Alison x

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    It is a horrifying thing to make sense of. Well written. x

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    Thanks for writing and sharing this Rai. So much of it resonates with me – it especially reminds me of the stark clarity of daylight coming through gumtrees, the shock of birdsong (why was the world just continuing?!) when I came to the place where my first girlfriend died (19 years ago this August, she was 19). I still don’t know for sure if it was a car accident or a suicide and I almost never speak about any of it because hardly anyone else/no one else knew of her experiences that lead me to wonder if it was perhaps a suicide, or of her sexuality… taboo upon taboo, silences that (I believe) gnaw at the soul and can intensify suicidal thoughts. And your articulation of the lack of basic compassion of the mental health system for folks who are needing help to bear their/our experiences. So many other details resonated and that resonance felt like a balm of sorts, a not-being-so-alone-(and-thus-maybe-not-so-weird-and-unworthy-of-belonging). I appreciate that you write in a way that resonates but somehow seems to respect the otherness of other people’s experiences. I find myself wanting to learn to hold that space with more care. It’s the dark hours here, and we are under a heavy, protracted, lonely Covid lockdown here – reading this (and being allowed space to respond) has somehow warmed life sparks in me. Sending much love and warmth to you.

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